


I bare my soul on paper, but in the end it's only binary

by Two_Divided_by_Zero



Category: Persona 5
Genre: (Trigger tags only apply to chapt 1), Angst, Basic website construction explanations, Depression, Emotional Abuse, Jealousy, M/M, Physical Abuse, Slow Burn, Tw: Kamoshida, canon suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-11-30 00:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11452416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Two_Divided_by_Zero/pseuds/Two_Divided_by_Zero
Summary: Yuuki Mishima was used to being overlooked his entire life until the new boy shows up and actually sees him.The Phandom website was the embodiment of his gratitude; a shrine to his unsung heroes."Call it old fashioned, but I still think it's pretty amazing when someone writes you a love letter." Whoever said this has obviously never read a love letter hidden in ASCII and HTML...





	1. I heard you're a player so let's play a game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't save a victim who doesn't realize they are suffering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for my sin queen as an application for her Shuyuu zine.
> 
> First chapter focuses on Kamoshida, so expect lots of...Kamoshida...
> 
> Future chapters will be much less suffering and much more pining. I promise.
> 
> (I also may have made him even grosser, if that's possible. I apologize in advance)

The first time Yuuki Mishima even heard the name “Akira Kurusu,” it was as a heel was being ground into his cheek.

“As if this school doesn't need enough help _without_ accepting some shitty delinquent. Doesn't Principal Kobayakawa think of this _at all_?”

Kamoshida emphasized this last part by grinding his foot down harder, if that was even possible. Blood began to fill his mouth as the linoleum pressed his cheek and teeth together. He knew better than to spit onto the floor; his coach had been...displeased, to put it lately. Couldn't leave a stain, leave any proof of what _really_ happened during his ‘private counseling.’

_Not that it wasn't common knowledge._

“How does that make you feel, Nishima?” Oh, he must've accidentally spaced out for a moment and missed something. “Knowing you’re going to be classmates with a criminal?”

(This was also a game his coach played sometimes; purposefully calling him the incorrect last name. It was a reminder; he was neither first string nor even second. He tried correcting his coach once. Only once and never again.)

Apparently, this was one of the few times he was expected to answer and when it was deemed he took too long, the foot left his face to deliver a swift kick to the rib cage. “When your coach asks you a question, _you answer it_.”

He nodded.

Apparently satisfied, Mr. Kamoshida placed his head to his forehead in a woe-is-me fashion. “I can't help but worry for Ms. Kawakami, either. Giving such an inexperienced teacher a problem child?”

The foot reappeared on his ear this time, rocking gently back and forth to grind his face _gently_ into the ground. “Nishijima, tell me; do you think such a nasty criminal as _Akira Kurusu_ deserves a second chance here?”

With what little freedom,of movement he had, he shook his head no.

Kamoshida hummed in apparent pleasure. “That's right. It would be a shame if his past were to be leaked out, wouldn't it?”

In the past two year, Yuuki Mishima had gotten rather talented at reading between the lines. Mouth now full of blood, he looked up and nodded.

That foot finally, _blessedly_ left his face and it was near impossible not to sigh in relief. 

(There is no such thing as bad attention, Kamoshida had explained to him once. If he didn't see Yuuki’s ‘potential,’ he wouldn't ‘cat’s as much.)

“Well Mishima, I think we're just about done for the day. Why don't you go join your teammates in some suicides. Oh - and send Suzui in, would you?”

Belly full of bile, mouth about to drool blood, Yuuki Mishima dragged himself up and soundlessly left the office.

\---

Shiho Suzui.

He could still remember the first time he watched her spike the ball viciously over the net at tryouts their first year.

Beautiful, fierce, talented…

Yuuki could still remember thinking of her as a rising star, full of infinite potential.

(Hell, he probably fell a little in love with her that day as well, not that anything would ever come of it.)

Game after game, she consistently landed point after point. He could already hear the upperclassmen nearby grousing about ‘the upstart.’

If there is one moment he will never forget about in first year tryouts though, it would be the moment Kamoshida slithered his way up to Suzui.

(Knowing what he knew now...who was he kidding? He still likely wouldn't have had the courage to step in.)

Their ‘coach,’ fairly oozing what he now recognized as fake charm, placed a meaty hand on her dainty shoulder.

“Shiho Suzui...is it alright if I call you Shiho?” She nodded. “Alright then, Shiho! Now, if you make the volleyball team I want you to know that our team is a little...different than the other teams. We aren't just a team; we're a family.”

Even at a distance, Yuuki could see his hand tighten on the poor girl.

“Now, I may be the coach of the volleyball team, but since this _is_ a family, I'd prefer my players to view me as more than that. I want you to view me as a father figure, your _daddy,_ if you would.”

A part of Shiho Suzui died at that very moment and he had front row seats to the funeral.

\---

For such a “hardened criminal”, Akira Kurusu played the part of meek student awfully well.

Despite showing up to his first day late (and with Sakamoto no less!), he looked every bit the normal student.

He shuffled his feet awkwardly during Ms. Kawakami's less-than-friendly introduction and fidgeted with the side of his blazer the entire walk to his seat behind Takamaki.

They made eye contact briefly and Yuuki couldn't help but think he had kind eyes.

Between class and practice, he ran to the bathroom and vomited up everything he had eaten that day.

Kind eyes or no, he had a job to do.

\---

“Did you see the new second year? I heard he transferred here to escape criminal charges.”

“That guy who sits in front of Takamaki...have you heard that he apparently assaulted someone?”

“How ironic that Sakamoto and the new student are so close already. ‘Birds of a feather’ and all. Wait, you didn't know?”

Eventually, the rumor mill began to churn on its own. The hallways echoed with ‘did you hear?s’ and ‘is that him?’s.

(Their next game, coach actually rotated him in to play. He allowed two points to be scored against them, got immediately benched again and wondered if any of it was worth it.)

‘Tell me, God; are you punishing me?’

\---

By their second year, Yuuki had long since accepted his role as executioner. He could walk up to any teammate, tell them “coach wants to speak with you” and not feel even the smallest twinge of guilt.

The girls team were the worst; they'd see him coming and tears would instantly bead at the corners of their eyes. Even worse, some (Suzui) would put on their best mask and march unfalteringly into his den. 

Eventually, the team began to suspect that this was the price they paid to be on the “prestigious” volleyball team.

So, when Sakamoto and the new kid began poking around and asking questions, heckles rose. Who were these outsiders, prying into something that was none of their business?

When the new boy - Kurusu - managed to corner him, it took willpower to look him down and tell him to _mind his own business_.

More willpower than he ended up having.

He eventually told them everything, hidden in a supply closet. Everyone knew, no one cared.

Those kind eyes filled with such righteous anger at that and a tiny part of him was lost ever since.

(He only had eyes for Kurusu in that moment and, much like Shiho, he fell just the tiniest bit in love in that moment.)

\---

He stood there at attention, ever the perfect little soldier, while Kamoshida cooed nauseatingly into his phone.

“I know your throat has been bothering you lately. I'm sure some TLC at my place would have you feeling better in no time.”

Heels together, toes apart, don't think about the implications…

“You sound stressed right now, sweetheart. How about I give you a call later?”

As soon as the call was over, his world went white.

When he came to, there was an odd ringing in his ears and he had partially bitten through his cheek. It took a moment for the initially fuzziness to clear to realize ‘oh, coach must have punched me in the jaw.’

“Get up.”

Even as the world swirled in a mockery of a Dali painting, he got back up. He could test the metallic tang in his mouth, but he knew better than to reach up and break attention. 

Discipline. This was an exercise in discipline.

His coach sauntered up, thinly veiled rage hidden behind a grin. “Careful, Nishijima, you aren't looking so good. Maybe you should go see the nurse?”

Nod.

“Be careful not to stain your uniform on the way there! I’d hate to have to write you up for a uniform violation!”

Another nod.

“Oh and on the way, grab Sinoh for me, would you?”

Suzui? But he was just on the phone with Takamaki, right? So why…?

\---

A falling star. Beautiful, but so sad…

(A part of him was jealous; they should’ve fallen together. But he always was too cowardly, even in escapism…)

Watching Takamaki cry and cry and _cry_ had him discretely run off to throw up in a bush.

\---

Suzui, expulsion, the feeling of betraying his team.

The sword of Damocles hung heavy above his head, swaying with every errant breeze.

Kurusu - Akira - showed absolutely no signs of faltering under this pressure. If anything, him and his merry band of misfits could be spotted together more often than not with grins on their faces.

It was like being left out of some secret club and a part of him hated them.

(It didn't help that people seemed to flock to Akira, like beautiful moths to a flame. There was just something about him that made you want to trust him. And, despite it all, Yuuki put the fragile remains of his hopes and dreams in Akira's hands.)

He felt like a bird with broken wings - better than _broken legs_ \- praying to fly again.

At least, he preferred that metaphor to the more fitting damsel in distress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be happier, I promise! The pining begins along with the nerd love!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcome! I posted this before my beta could get a hold of it, so please feel free to comment on grammatical issues or copious comma abuse.
> 
> This is written on a cell phone, so I know its not perfect.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope to see you all in the next chapters!


	2. Talk is cheap; show me the code

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day. Teach a man to program, frustrate him for a lifetime."
> 
> The impossible is suddenly a lot more possible and Yuuki Mishima finds himself stuck with a debt impossible to repay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of the chapter we start getting into the nerdy coding stuff so...
> 
> I'm a little wary of the reception, but I'm going for it!

Rather than attend practice for a team Yuuki assumed he was no longer a part of, he chose to limp his way onto a subway.

Step after plodding step...

He still hasn't told his parents anything; the beatings, his upcoming expulsion...none of it. They were so _proud_ of him for making such a prestigious team.

(Their pride only hurt more. He loved his parents and they loved and support him _so much_. They deserved better than a third string failure. _A third string failure and soon to be drop out-_

The double doors opened with a swish and that cliched smell of antiseptic bombed his senses.

Fake flowers and paintings were interspersed tastefully about, but there was no disguising that dull, heavy sense of despair that permeated every hospital.

Wading through the sea of pleather seats and wizened faces, Yuuki made his way to the reception desk.

The receptionist chirped a canned ‘hello and welcome’ spiel on him before passing him a clipboard and telling him to fill out the highlighted portions.

No, he had to explain, I'm here to visit a patient.

He could _feel_ her eyes like a physical presence on his body. They traced the finger-shaped bruises on his wrist, the bruise beneath his eyes, the jaundiced yellow of his jaw finally - mercifully - healing from the day of Suzui’s-

“Which patient are you here to see?”

She obviously knew something was going on, but sided with ‘you can't help those who won't help themselves.’

He calmly gave her a name and watched as she clicked away at her computer. Just for a moment, her mask cracked and the pretty receptionist gave a wince.

He was given directions to the intensive care ward with several warnings. “She isn't likely to be awake,” she murmured, “and the...accident...was fairly traumatic. She may not look much like your friend right now.”

He nodded and limped off, thanking her for her time.

Saying that she may not look much like his friend was a drastic understatement.

There were more tubes and needles in the poor girl than he'd have even thought possible. Approaching her bed was like playing the floor is lava with all the wires.

A heart monitor blipped peacefully next to a rack of three different sacks if liquid.

_Beep….beep...beep…_

Rather than look at her, he read the labels of each bag. 

_Fentanyl citrate. Sertraline. Cefazolin. Cephalexin. Duramorph._

‘Oh,’he thought distantly, ‘at least her face isn't that bad.’

The beautiful girl who once stole a piece of his heart lay there, covered in bandages from the neck down. The little skin he could see where the needles poked through was an ugly shade of plum.

Her legs… _god, her legs_...

Careful not to jostle any wiring or machinery, he maneuvered the lone chair in room next to her gurney. Slowly, gently, he wrapped his hands around what little wasn't riddled with needles.

It took several tries before he managed to speak around the lump in his throat.

“Suzui...I heard once that comatose people can still hear you. Is that true?”

No response. Obviously.

“There...are so many things I want to say to you, you know? How do I even begin?”

Tears began to trail down his face but he made no effort to wipe them away because that would require letting go.

“You didn't deserve this. None of us do, really…”

He made the mistake of glancing down at her leg casts and seeing the way her limbs were being squeezed by the bandages to prevent further swelling.

God…

But...this was his mea culpa of sorts.

His sin to bear.

After all, he was the one to literally lead the lamb to what ended up being her slaughter.

He was the Judas goat.

“Is saying I'm sorry even enough at this point? I…” he choked, “I wish you could be seen Takamaki. Not when you…” jumped “but when she saw coach. If looks could kill…”

Somewhere in the distance, he heard doctors running about frantically.

“Maybe...hey Suzui, I'm going to at least apologize to Takamaki. I know that doesn't begin to repent for what I've let happen, but it's a start, right?”

(In hindsight, with Akira's help much further down the road, he'd realize two things. One was that it was common knowledge what was happening; he need not shoulder all the blame himself. Second was that he shouldn't have to apologize for a crime he was not guilty of. “Haven't you heard?” Akira teased, “‘don't hate the messenger, hate the message.’”)

After running out of things to say, he stood to find a restroom after vowing to return.

He found one eventually and spent an inordinate amount of time washing his hands and staring himself down in the mirror.

(He remembered once being told at a career fair that doctors spent so long washing their hands, they often timed it by humming the birthday song to themselves. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…)

When he finally returned, it was to find his previous spot occupied. Looking out of place, a vibrant splash of color in a prison cell, Ann Takamaki held her friend's hand and wept bitterly. So mired in grief, she didn't notice the other person standing awkwardly in the doorway.

He stayed. It felt oddly voyeuristic.

Once she was able to pull herself into a semblance of together, Takamaki stood to clasp both of Suzui’s fragile hands in her own.

“The first thing I want you to hear when you wake up is that asshole’s apology so please....please wake up soon? There's still so much I need to tell you. I need my best friend back!”

As her tears began to fall once more, Yuuki finally took his leave.

\---

**Sir Suguru Kamoshida, the utter bastard of lust,**

**We know how shitty you are, and that you put your twisted desires on students who can’t fight back. That’s why we have decided to steal away those desires and make you confess your sins.This will be done tomorrow, so we hope you are ready.  
**   
From,  
The Phantom Thieves of Hearts 

Everything about it, from the hokey face to the cheesey newspaper clipping text _screamed_ fake. Even the wording sounded like some rant better suited for the villain of the week of Neofeatherman.

However...

“Wait, so are the rumors true?”

It was by pure luck that he looked down the hallways and made eye contact with the new - with Akira.

Really, he was such an unspectacular boy; he had unkempt hair and an unremarkable eye color. Body wise, he seemed to be a bit on the scrawny side. Honestly, if they passed each other on the street, Yuuki doubted he would pay any mind.

Now though…

There was a promise in those eyes and a hint of a smirk that had something fizz and pop inside his heart. It took him a moment to realize what the foreign feeling was.

It was hope.

Like a sweet siren song, it curled about his heart and crooned words like “justice” and “vengeance.”

When his former coach inevitably exploded over discovering the poorly-rendered notes dotting the bulletin board, he managed to catch the hint of a smirk on Akira’s face.

An odd itch spread across his face and he ducked away before anyone else could notice that he was actually _blushing_  
\---

May 2nd began surprisingly unspectacular.

His mother made him a hearty breakfast with an extra piece of mackerel ‘to keep up his strength in practice today!’ More subdued, his father made eye contact over their steaming bowls of rice. He gave a solemn nod and Yuuki felt the acid in his gut roil.

He’d been careless; obviously they knew _something_ was happening today that had him on edge. Weak, unnoticeable and now transparent…

Logically, he knew they were just concerned. However, something within his soul crooned that it was pity. 

It was a miracle he managed to eat at all, much less clear his plate. On the way out the door, his mother stopped him for a quick peck and an ‘I love you, son.’

He spent the entire walk to school trying to find ways for them to _never know what a failure their son truly was._

\---

As if being crammed into an auditorium full of nattering students wasn’t positively delightful enough, hearing their principal lecture them on “the importance of life” was the icing on the shit sundae.

‘Suzui deserved better than this,’ he thought and bit his lip until it bled-

“I...have been reborn.”

From that point onward, it felt as though he was having an out-of-body experience. 

Verbal abuse, physical abuse, _sexual harassment_...

“I am the reason Shiho Suzui tried to kill herself.”

_Oh god, is he crying?_ It was like watching an Italian Commedia Arlecchino, with the sad clown crying crocodile tears.

Still dazed, Yuuki barely registered someone mentioning the police before it was all over. 

The gym was now empty except for a trio he was rapidly becoming familiar with. 

As he approached them, he was silently flanked by two girls he only recognized from their constant gossip. It looked like he wasn’t the only one with an apology to deliver.

\---

When his mother welcomed him home that night, he instantly burst into tears. She instantly stopped scooping bowls of rice to wrap him in a warm hug.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. Whatever is bothering you, it’s going to be alright.”

He cried and cried and cried.

\---

That night, after another silent but firm hug from his mother, Yuuki turned on his lamp and opened his desktop.

The Phantom Thieves of Hearts....

He refused to believe the masses, that this sudden change was merely coincidence. They were unsung heroes and there was only so loud he could sing on his own.

(He remembered Akira smirking at him, that utter confidence that everything would work out...)

At this point, even the people who witnessed Kamoshida’s breakdown refused to acknowledge the Phantom Thieves as nothing more than an urban legend.

How does one go about writing a thank you card to an urban legend?

He wanted to pour his heart out to them; the fear, the pain, the guilt…

They deserved recognition and if shouting it from the rooftop until his throat went sore wouldn’t work, then he’d find another way.

Google provided multiple results for “HTML for Dummies.”

He started small, learning the basics of opening and closing tags. There was a website that allowed him to practice small lines of codes, experimenting with font and size.

An hour later, he had successfully learned enough to create a basic form with fillable text boxes and even a view counter.

Another hour got him to a hosting site where he claimed the domain of “The Phantom Aficionados”.

Three more hours and for his sleep deprivation, Yuuki Mishima had the most basic of web pages constructed. It was garish, with its solid red background and generic font. The tiny snippets of Javascript he had managed to Frankenstein together made the page look like something from a Creepypasta.

Honestly, it was fit for an urban legend.

But, as he finished coding a basic survey onto the page, this was only the start.

CSS, ASCII, Javascript…

There was still so much to be learned… but it was worth it.

There was no way he could possibly hope to repay them for giving him his life back, but this was a start. He vowed that this abomination of a website would one day be the thank you he could never hope to give.

As the moon began to give way to the sun, Yuuki managed to slip one last line of code in before saving his page and returning to bed.

< !DOCTYPE html >  
< html >  
< body >

< !-- I know who you are and one day, I’ll thank you all in person. -- >

< /body>  
< /html>

\--

**In HTML coding, anything within the < !-- -- > tag is known as a comment. Anything within the < p> < /p> tag was a paragraph. Paragraphs are visible; comments are never seen outside of the source. On the internet, they are the ultimate anonymity to a coward like him.**

\---

It took a solid week of sleepless nights before Yuuki was confident enough in his work to start posting hyperlinks in popular forums.

“Have you heard about the Phantom Thieves of Heart? Click **here** ”

“School saved by an urban legend? Or **are the Phantom Thieves really out there**?”

“Teacher behind bars after receiving a mysterious message from a group calling themselves the ‘Phantom Thieves of Hearts.’ Do they even exist? Click **here** to join the forum.”

The view counter of his page steadily grew, though the general consensus of his meager group of members was that everything was coincidental.

(He remembered Akira and the fire he lit in his heart. He remembered Takamaki cadling Suzui’s hand so kindly, promising her an apology.)

What was once a simple HTML nightmare was now a fully fledged forum, if a little on the simple side. Given his lack of knowledge about anything computer related before this, Yuuki was proud.

Though what he was most proud of were the messages hidden within the coding that would never be seen unless someone chose to view the page source.

< !-- I’ll keep believing, even if no one else does -- >  
< !-- You all are my heroes -- >  
< !-- I’m going to thank you in person tomorrow, this time I promise.-- >

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading! Was the coding a little too weird for you all?
> 
> Honestly, I just found it weird that mousy little volleyball boy is able to become a forum master. I wanted to make this more believable as I truly do believe he would put forth this effort to thank the people who he probably views as having saved his life.
> 
> Also, I was so sure the fiesta of trigger warnings on chapter one would scare you all away! But instead 5 comments and over 40 kudos? I'm dying of happiness~
> 
> Please let me know your honest opinion in the comments (or point out any excessive comma action I may have missed)


	3. The thermometer of success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuki finally works up the nerve to talk about his forum, only for a new actor to enter stage right. He mourns the loss of the opportunities he never knew existed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from "The thermometer of success is merely the jealousy of the malcontents."
> 
> Since Yuuki is introducing the Phansite, I'm introducing poll commentary like they show during the loading screen! (Hopefully it isn't too distracting)

Promises to yourself shouldn't be this hard to keep.

Days passed, wounds healed and Yuuki still found himself tongue tied every time he so much as _looked_ in Akira's general direction.

Without the bandages covering his cheeks, could Akira see the way he flushed like some preteen girl over a boy band?

Ashamed as he was to admit it, that was a rather apt description though…

For the rest of the school, nothing might as well have happened. Gossipmongers still clumped outside classrooms at lunch while the more...driven...students chose to eat lunch in the classrooms in a study group.

For him though...it was like waking up and realizing all along people had been lying and the sky was purple, not blue.

How could no one else notice the way those three seemed...radiant. It almost hurt to look at them together, gathered around Akira's desk and laughing at inside jokes.

Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki and Akira Kurusu…

It would be so easy to walk up to them; hell, he'd even practiced it in front of the mirror…

_Like a preteen girl and a boy band hewassohumiliated-_

But every time, without fails, his knees turned to noodles and he'd just flop uselessly back into his desk. It was getting to be such a problem the girls nearby stopped their discussion about where to find the best soba to actually ask if he was alright.

“Yeah, I'm fine! Just a little clumsier than usual today!”

He laughed, but when Akira looked his way, it cut off with an abrupt choke.

The girls both gave him an odd look before turning away to resume their conversation.

\---

`archangel_Michael - I dunno seems kinda fake`  
`Snrklnd - FAKE`  
`Snrklnd - 7 DAYS LOL!!!`  
`@kashic_reChord - Has anyone else noticed yet?`  
`OnceUponaThyme - it IS a huge coincidence… maybe…`  
`archangel_Michael - `**@akashicrecord0214** noticed what?  
`@kashic_reChord - Interesting…`  
`archangel_Michael - ???`  
`Snrklnd - bro, leav trolls under bridges were they belong!!!`

\---

“Hey, have you seen that Phantom Aficionado website?”

Oh, what a terrible time to forget he _yells when he's nervous_ and now not only does he have Akira's attention, but at least three other students are giving him weird looks as well. As if this wasn't difficult enough…

When the only eyes left on him were Akira's, Yuuki could feel the burn of a blush creeping across his collarbone and up his neck. ‘Thank goodness for turtlenecks!’

He _knew_ they were the Phantom Thieves, it seemed so painfully obvious! Yuuki wanted to grab people's shoulders and shake them, to scream, “don't you see?!”

And yet…

Denial. This wonderful boy who swooped in and saved the volleyball teams like it was no big deal stared him dead in the eyes and spouted cliché denials. It was so hackneyed; Yuuki wanted to grab his shoulders and shout at Akira now as well.

Despite the constant denial, he soldiered on. Eventually, he even whipped out his cell phone with the Phansite preloaded. Basic site though it was, Yuuki was proud to note the way Akira's eyes widened ever-so-slightly at the site of his mobile page. There was a tiny squirm of something in his belly just then that he chose to ignore.

(The page was by no means perfect; the logo was a poorly rendered JPEG he’d managed to scrounge from the internet and the interface was still fairly basic. On the mobile site, the screen compressed the page navigation buttons at the bottom of lengthier threads. Even now, the background was the same garish red as when he started. Still, _he was proud of it all_.)

Timeshare sales people could learn a thing or two from his desperate pitch. ‘Instead of marketing yourself to millions, sell yourself to one,’ indeed.

“I'd really like to help out in the Phantom Thieves’ acts of justice. Can I? Please?”

At Akira's unspoken acquiesce, tiny bubbles began to fizz and pop in his tummy and Yuuki had the faintest realization of, ‘this might be going just a bit beyond hero worship…’

(But that was a worry for another day and another him. For now, he could only offer enthusiastic thanks while trying not to humiliate himself further.)

\---

Hidden in the recesses of the forums, buried under dozens of threads, Yuuki noticed a new post labeled **”If the Phantom Thieves exist, I NEED THEIR HELP!!!**

The _0 replies_ had him clicking before he was even consciously aware of what he was doing.

(Yuuki knew what it was like to reach out for help and be ignored, after all. He'd swallowed so much of his pride it felt as though he'd vomit it all up on the principal's lacquered desk when he'd spoken up as a freshman. Not only was he ignored, but coach _had_ to know he squealed because that was when the routine beatings began. A part of him - the part that cried for two years for justice - would not allow that post to go unnoticed.)

After reading the simple plea, Yuuki pulled out his phone. Thumb awkwardly hovering over the contacts button, he mentally steeled himself before clicking the first name.

‘Please,’ he prayed inwardly while typing, ‘save them like you saved me.’

_And for the first time, if only for a second, he doubted._

(< !-- please be real please be real please be real -- >)

\---

`@kashic_reChord - Who is the admin of this forum?`  
`EarthSeaSkye - who cares???`  
`Moonrise18 - that's actually a good question…`  
`EarthSeaSkye - LOL!!!!`  
`FaeDance - not yours, dumbass`  
`Snrklnd - LANGUAGE!!! (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻`  
`FaeDance - ┬──┬ ¯\_(ツ)`  
`EarthSeaSkye - LOL AGAIN!!!`  
`@kashic_reChord - To the admin, whomever you may be`  
`@kashic_reChord - when you discover the truth`  
`@kashic_reChord - please, I need to know…`

``

\---

It was by pure luck that he saw them at all that day.

Originally, he'd intended to stay late at school to brush up on his English at the library.

Besides, he reasoned, it would help further his understanding of coding as well. ‘Studying’ was synonymous with torment in his mind, but if he rationalized it to himself that it was for the Phantom Thieves…

Apparently he wasn't the only rider on the struggle bus this term; every study guide on English was already checked out when he got there.

It was with mixed feelings that he hopped on the subway home. While he didn't enjoy studying, he often used it as a way of rationalizing the inordinate amount of time he now spent online. A general rule of thumb was that one hour of studying English equated to three hours monitoring the forum later.

(He didn't have a problem; this is perfectly normal. Plenty of people had hobbies and his just happened to be the Phansite…)

Swept up in the masses at Shibuya station, it was pure luck that Yuuki looked up when he did.

There, basking in the afternoon light on the sky bridge, were three familiar faces.

And one unfamiliar one.

He froze, causing someone to actually stumble into him. With a mumbled apology, he ducked his head and dashed behind a nearby pillar.

This must be an all-time low for Yuuki Mishima; skulking around and spying on his classmates like the world's worst spy. People around him began to mutter, but it may as well have been white noise.

Blue hair, pale skin…

Was he a new member of the Phantom Thieves?

(That thought alone made something ugly and green squeeze his heart. Was it possible to join the Phantom Thieves? He'd never known that was an option…)

A Kosei student though? In the sea of red plaid, he stood out like a white clad, sore thumb.

A _tall, elegant, chiseled-faced_...white clad, sore thumb.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that their potential newest member was beautiful as well. “Beauty attracts beauty,” or so he'd heard.

Still…

(Times like these made Yuuki grateful for his utter unremarkable-ness. As they chattered amongst themselves, hidden in plain sight, he watched.)

As the Kosei boy spoke, face the very picture of agony, Akira's eyes never wandered for a second. He was completely captivated by this new boy and _this was not alright_.

(Was that the student council president pretending to read a magazine and - oh, she's looking over here now. Hello, miss president!)

The more he watched, the more the contents of his stomach roiled and churned.

(Coach had once punished him for drinking milk before practice. The intense physical activity slows digestion, he'd learned between kicks to the ribs. That, combined with it being slow to digest, means that it literally curdles in your stomach. The way he felt now was eerily similar.)

Rather than continue to torment himself further by watching...whatever this was, Yuuki waved a subtle goodbye to his comrade in spying and left.

\---

It wasn't until later when he was sitting in the bath that he realized exactly why today's revelation of a potential new member to his group of idols bothered him so much.

First of all, it seems as though the Phantom Thieves were welcoming new members. Given that Kamoshida was a teacher at Shujin and he was the first recorded instance of anyone receiving a “calling card” from the thieves, Yuuki sees no reason for a Kosei student to be involved in such a matter.

Ergo, it was fairly safe to assume that if the Kosei boy _is_ a member, he is a brand new one.

That...didn't seem fair.

It felt as though as his work on Phansite was instantly invalidated. Well…’invalidated’ might be a bit too melodramatic.

The Phansite was born to thank the people who gave him - the whole volleyball team, really - his life back. Selfishly, it allowed him a way to support them without actually being one of them. He couldn't steal hearts, but he could spread word of their deeds.

In all honesty though, given the chance, he would be rather joined them instead.

And therein lies qualm number two; it felt as though yet again, Yuuki Mishima didn't make the cut. Not only that, but he lost out to someone who…

How to put this…?

Where Yuuki was pasty, the other boy was aristocratically pale. They both had blue hair, but his was shaggy and unkempt in comparison. Both were on,the lean side, but the Kosei boy seemed delicate whereas he was gangly.

It was almost like that meme he saw the other day.

(“Who are you?” “I'm you, but better.”)

Finally, he just didn't like how _infatuated_ Akira seemed with this new boy. In the privacy of his bathroom, he could admit it; he was jealous. He admired Akira deeply for not only stealing coach's heart, but also forgiving him for his part in Kamoshida's slanderous plot.

(Is it actually slanderous if it is _technically_ true?)

Today cemented what he already suspected; he has a crush on Akira and this new boy seemed to have swept the competition for Akira's attention without even being aware there was competition at all.

(Not that he himself was fully willing to acknowledge his hero worship bordered a bit too much on affection than simple admiration before today.

So, to put it simply, he'd lost on every front. It was fine.

Well, no, it wasn't...

But there was nothing he could really do but carry on with the Phansite and continue to fight injustice in his own way.

He'd accepted his permanent spot on the third string of the volleyball team and he would - in time - learn to accept his part as the supporting cast of the Phantom Thieves rather than a main man.

Everyone knew you couldn't have a truly great performance without a supporting cast to support the leading roles. He should be used to being one of the many by now; he'll get over it.

For tonight though, he figured he was allowed to mourn both his missed opportunities.

\---

< !-- I'll never stop supporting you! -- >  
< !-- I know that you're out there -- >  
< !-- Even if I can't be one of you, I'll fight alongside you in my own way! -- >

\---

The next day, he noticed another new post with a familiar username.

It was titled simply, **”Thank you”**.

_Akira, Takamaki and Sakamoto...forgive him for doubting, if only for a moment._

Once again, he pulled out his phone and typed out a quick message to his first contact. He couldn't stop smiling as he hit send; not only did the Phantom Thieves definitely exist, but they were listening.

“I knew it,” he whispered before hugging his phone tightly to his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update; life really smacked me in the face with a trout these past two weeks.
> 
> To say I'm amazed at the amount of love this story has gotten though is an understatement. I've gotten a couple of comments that actually had me tearing up a bit :'D
> 
> I'm a little nervous of how this chapter turned out ^^" but I was excited to introduce Yusuke for the jealousy. I do believe that their number one phanboy would be more than a little heartbroken at missing out.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for reading and hopefully I'll see you again in the next chapter (which hopefully will come sooner rather than later!)
> 
> Comments and kudos as always brighten my day!


	4. Something wild to run with

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from "what we find in a soulmate is not something wild to tame, but something wild to run with." - Robert Brault
> 
> Madarame is brought to justice and all the late nights are finally starting to catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent over an hour on...well, you'll have to read and find out, now won't you?
> 
> Also, thank you all for the input about the chat logs! I really appreciate the feedback!

“Hey!”

Yuuki instinctively began seeking out the nearest hiding spot before realizing that _it's only Sakamoto, he's in jail now, remember?_ “O-oh, um…”

“You're not being bullied again, are you?”

Sakamoto loomed over him, effectively caging him with his body. Against his will, Yuuki found himself straightening his spine and locking his knees.

(Old habits are hard to break.)

“N-no, I…” he cleared his throat and took a deep breath, “no, no one is bullying me. Why do you ask?”

Sakamoto cocked his head to the side and ran a hand through his hair. Yuuki wanted to shrink away from the almost tangible feeling of his eyes doing a quick once-over. Eventually, his gaze landed on Yuuki's face and his natural frown deepened.

“Dude, you have some massive bruises under your eyes. You sure you're not...ya know?”

Bruises? 

He _had_ noticed that all his sleepless nights were beginning to show. Two mornings ago, he had actually stood in front of his mirror and poked the puffy skin beneath his eyes in a sort of fascination. His mother had even commented on maybe needing a new futon. At the time, he's brushed all of it off as just still recovering from years of abuse, but now…

(The Phansite was worth it. So what if he hadn't gotten more than three hours of sleep in a week or two; who else was going to promote the Phantom Thieves if he didn't?)

He fidgeted awkwardly and embarrassment splotched his face. “Oh, those aren't- I just haven't been s-sleeping much lately, that's all!”

“...You're sure that's all it is?”

Sakamoto leaned into his personal space further with a skeptical look. Other people were beginning to stop and stare, no doubt suspecting at this point that Yuuki _was_ in fact being bullied at that very moment by Sakamoto himself.

“I'm fine, really!” Yuuki assured him while ruffling his own hair nervously.

Thankfully - _finally_ \- he seemed to have said the right thing because Sakamoto took a step back and it wasn't until that moment that Yuuki realized he'd been holding his breath. It was obvious that Sakamoto didn't completely believe him, but was willing to let it go for now.

(A sick part of him that constantly clamored for attention preened in satisfaction that one of the _Phantom Thieves_ not only took notice of him, _but was concerned about him_. ‘Who's the zero now?’)

A heavy hand fell onto his bicep and gave it a squeeze. “Promise you'll tell me if anyone ever gives you shit again, a’ight?”

Yuuki nodded. “You'll be the first to know.”

Okay, that was a lie. _Akira_ would likely be the first to know. Even then, he'd likely make a forum post first. Countless other people would know before Sakamoto, but it was too late to take his words back.

After a firm pat to the back and hair ruffle from Sakamoto, Yuuki slipped into the nearest restroom. In the fluorescent light, the bags under his eyes seemed that much darker.

“I could go grocery shopping with these,” he muttered to himself while poking the swollen flesh below his eyes and his sunken cheeks. It was a wonder no one said anything sooner; he looked awful.

Then again, no one said anything _back then_ either…

‘The Phansite is worth it,’ he thought, ‘it's worth it, it's worth it, it's worth it, it's…’

\---

`Snrklnd - can the Phantom Thieves steal my homework LOL?`  
`@kashic_reChord - ...`  
`Snrklnd - if ur not going to say anything, don't respond???`  
`@kashic_reChord - if you're not asking a question, don't end statements with question marks???`  
`nova_cane - FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!`  
`OnceuponaThyme- no guys, lets bring it off`  
`Snrklnd - don't u quote Spongebob @ me`  
`@kashic_reChord - I don't know how much longer I can wait...`

\---

Spittle and snot flecked his phone screen (stupid pollen allergies) one nondescript day in May when he looked up from the forum and first saw it.

 _Saw them_.

Dozens, of not hundreds, of black and red declarations of war. He couldn't help himself; Yuuki stepped through a crowd of gawkers to pluck one down.

Where the first card looked like a cheesy ransom letter from a creepypasta, this one was much more...dignified.

**Sir Ichiryusai Madarame, a great sinner of vanity whose talent has been exhausted,**

**You are an artist who uses his authority to shamelessly steal the ideas of his pupils. We have decided to make you confess all your crimes with your own mouth. We will take your distorted desires without fail.**

**From,  
The Phantom Thieves of Heart**

Words and characters blurred together and _oh his hands were shaking, weren't they?_

“I knew it,” he whispered to himself with misty eyes.

‘I knew it, they _do_ exist.’

\---

On June 5th, he watched the internet collectively explode over uploaded videos of Madarame's confession. Membership in the forum swelled as people from outside Japan now joined in the buzz.

Yuuki coded in a page view counter, which he then spent the night watching continue to rise steadily.

\---

`@kashic_reChord - You saw it too, didn't you?`  
`@kashic_reChord - I know now.`  
`@kashic_reChord - They do exist.`  
`@kashic_reChord - Have you got your answer as well, dear admin?`  
`Psy_ahn - ???`  
`Sunshine65 - What are you even talking about **@akashicrecord0214**?`  
`Snrklnd - Y r u always soooo creepy? Yikes!`  
`FaeDance - I dunno, I'm starting to believe it 2. This can't just be a coincidence?`  
`Snrklnd - GREAT CRAZY IS CONTAGIOUS NAO!!!`  
`Snrklnd - I dont know y I even stay anymore lol phantom thieves aint real GET OVER IT`

\---

ASCII, Yuuki discovered, was an older form of computer language that stood for American Standard Code for Information Interchange. It was a basic language wherein letters and characters were translated into numbers, which is what computers understand.

Nowadays, it was mainly used for cutesy email or forum signatures.

He got the idea when he noticed a phan had made their signature an ASCII image of two rabbits. Of course, he didn't _know_ at first it was ASCII; thank goodness for search engines.

This was to honor the Phantom Thieves’ second large-scale success, he reasoned while beginning to type identical strings of letter.

(A minor part of it was also in honor of the new logo on the latest calling card. It was sleek and sophisticated and a tiny part of him was bitter because this just seemed to confirm what he already suspected; only an artist would have a keen enough eye to recreate their logo in such a way.)

\---

< !--

`MMMMMMMMMMMMOZZZZZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMZZZZZZZMNDZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMOZZZZZZZDMZZN8MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMZZZZZZZZOZZZZZMNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MZZZZZZZZZZZZZZNZZOZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`ZZZZZZMMMZZZZZZZZZMZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMZZZZZZMZ8DMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMZZZZZZZZZMZMMMMMMMMMMM ?MMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMMMZZZZZOZZMMMMOMMMMM .MMMMMOMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMMM8ZZZZZMMMMZMMMM+MMMMMM.MMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMMMMZZZZ8ZZZMMMM MM8ZZDMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMMMMMZZZZZZMMM..NZZ.ZZM~DMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMMMMMZZZZZMMM...ZZ.MZN. MMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMMMZZZZZZMMZZ. .N.. . .MMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMMMNZZZZ8?ZZZ . .ZZZOMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMMMMZZZZM MZ . .ZZZZMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMZZZZZZMMMMZZO~. . . . NZMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMZZZZZZZZMMM8NZ. . . .?DZMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMZZZZZZZZZZZZMZZ . . ZZOZMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMZZZZZZZZNOMZZ.. ... =ZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMZZZOMMMMZZ.ZZM?$ZZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMM, MZZZZZZZZZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`  
`MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`

\-- >

\---

When Sakamoto had questioned him earlier about the “bruises” under his eyes, Yuuki had originally been terrified. 

Across the table from Akira, he had no doubt that the bone-deep exhaustion was the only thing keeping him from melting into a puddle of flustered goo. Melodramatically, he mused that his body didn't have energy to spare to blush as the leader of the Phantom Thieves and his personal hero stared him down over a cup of coffee.

“I think you're working too hard,” Akira stated after a sip of coffee, “you're going to burn yourself out.”

Yuuki shook his head furiously. “No, I-I’m fine, really! Besides, the Phantom Thieves are worth losing sleep over and more!”

“Oh?” 

Akira was staring at him with an eyebrow cocked and Yuuki couldn't help but wring his hands together beneath the table. “I don't think you'll ever _really_ understand what you did for me.”

“I-”

“Before…” 

_Before you got here, I was less than nobody. Society is a lot like binary, you know; some people are ones and some are zeroes. I was a zero (still am if we're being completely honest) and despite that, **you saw me** and you forgave me when I didn't deserve it…_

It was frustrating having so much you want to say but being unable to say it. He was a goldfish out of water, opening and closing his mouth uselessly.

‘How embarrassing.’

A pretty waitress with a kind smile dropped by to refill their coffee. Yuuki smiled gratefully before taking a large gulp, only to choke in alarm when his tongue was scalded. After some sputtering and coughing, he looked up to and caught Akira stuck between looking concerned or amused.

Anyone else would have laughed with little regard for his health; the leader of the Phantom Thieves truly was different from all others, wasn't he?

Once they managed to flag down another waitress for a glass of ice water, Akira finally cracked a real smile. “Didn't know you were that big a fan of coffee.”

Yuuki winced before popping an ice cube into his mouth. “It’s funny, neither did I.”

He wrinkled his nose in irritation at the lisp from his swollen tongue, to which his companion gave a snicker. Being laughed at did nothing for his mood or his wounded pride, causing his scowl to deepen.

“Can you do me a favor?”

Skeptically, “wha?”

Akira's smile was so saccharine there was no doubt he was scheming something. “Can you say in English ‘I was born on a pirate ship with apples all around me.’”

English was _not_ his best subject… “I wath born on a pila-” He immediately stopped talking and scowled, causing Akira to abandon all decorum and burst out laughing.

It was refreshing seeing him so carefree and happy, even if it was at the expense of Yuuki's pride. After everything Akira had been through in the past few months, he deserved the right to laugh and act his age.

‘He isn't a criminal. He saved me.’

He was worth all the sleepless nights spent coding and monitoring the forum to remove all the negative posts. 

‘They're heroes. _He's_ a hero. I need to make the world see. And I will. The Phantom Thieves need me.’

Thankfully, Akira never brought up his lack of sleep again. If he had, Yuuki wasn't entirely certain he would be able to tell him no.

They chatted until late into the evening over several cups of coffee (their poor waitress was probably about ready to kick them out after hogging a table for so long and only ordering a drink with free refills). When they eventually parted ways, a traitorous part of Yuuki's mind purred, “all good dates end in a kiss, don't they?”

‘It wasn't a date,’ he insisted. 

Logically, he knew it was a meeting between friend. Emotionally, his heart fluttered at the very thought of Akira's rare smile.

Yuuki Mishima never had been a convincing liar, even when lying to himself. It may not have been a date, _but he wished it had been_.

\---

Normally, he didn't pay much attention to the live chat; an admin can't exactly police a chat room unless it was constant surveillance. It was a slow night and out of sheer boredom, Yuuki began to scroll through the chat log.

One can only,imagine his surprise at one of the phans trying to contact _him_.

After reading their latest message asking,if he'd “found his answer,” Yuuki did a quick check of their message history in this particular room to create a log of all their messages.

To say he was shocked was an understatement; this “akashicrecord0214” had clearly noticed the messages he'd self-indulgently hidden in website's code.

(It felt like an invasion of privacy almost. The Phansite was his creation, his haven; it felt as though by looking at the code, this anonymous user had gutted him alive and laid his ugly innards out for all to see.)

Originally, Yuuki had no intent to join his own forum. As an admin, it flet like an abuse of power to participate outside of monitoring and deleting. Now though…

He hesitantly brought up the script editor for the entire site before selecting a random page under FAQs and typing.

< !-- There was no need for an “answer.” I knew they were real all along. -- >

\---

`@kashic_reChord - Hello, dear administrator.`  
`@kashic_reChord - So nice of you to finally reply.`

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That logo took about an hour and twenty minutes to design @_@ ahhh! I wanted to be certain it fit on mobile and the full site and that was an absolute delight. My eyessssss.
> 
> I'm a little worried about this chapter ^^" I road the struggle bus a little while writing this (except the ASCII part because I HAVE BEEN WAITING)
> 
> For anyone who is curious exactly what Yuuki is doing with the comments in HTML, go to the oatmeal.com and right click on any comic page to view the code. He hides a pterodactyl in every page!
> 
> You all continue to be THE BEST readers ever! I love all the feedback and reading what you all have to say is honestly the highlight of every day for me.
> 
> (Seriously, I die a little inside at all the positive feedback <3)
> 
> Hopefully you all continue to enjoy and I'll see you soon in chapter 5? :D


	5. Stars can't shine without darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuki makes a new(?) friend, sleep deprivation causes questionable decisions and Akira should probably not wave you weapons in public unless he wants to be arrested for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all my curious readers, try taking a peak at the code for this chapter ;D

  
“I'm sorry. I'm not who you were hoping for, am I?”

Suzui shook her head gingerly. “I'm happy to get any visitors, really.”

Somehow, Yuuki doubted that. Her legs were strung up in slings, plump and dark with blood. Instead of toes, her feet seemed to end with five little cocktail sausages. It took a second for him to realize that the swelling must've caused her toenails to all fall off. Despite all this, Suzui still looked radiant with a smile on her face.

_It took him a full minute to realize he couldn't remember the last time he had actually seen her smile._

He smiled weakly before sagging into the chair at her bedside. The plastic was uncomfortable and unforgiving; no doubt he'd be dealing with a sore tailbone tomorrow. “Liar, I'm sure you'd much rather see Takamaki than me after…”

Tears began to gather at the corner of her eyes, but her smile never once sagged. His heart broke a little; she must be so used to crying at this point that she doesn't even realize she's doing it.

Suzui shook her head again, causing her ponytail to swish against the cheap fabric of her pillowcase. “No, really! I'm happy to get any visitors at all! You can't imagine how lonely...I am here…”

“I think I have an idea…”

They both shared a look of mutual despair. Even though he was in jail at this point, Kamoshida's influence still reigned over before their lives. Bars weren't enough to ease the pain of the past two years. For Suzui, looking at her legs every single day and _remembering_ must be the worst sort of reminder; it was like being flayed alive, then ripping the scabs off as soon as they begin to heal. 

For a brief moment, Yuuki wished that the Phantom Thieves had chosen a less noble route and played judge, jury and executioner instead. Justice was one thing, but deep in his heart, he craved _vengeance_.

Takamaki was a phantom thief; why couldn't she have ensured a crueler fate for the man,responsible for breaking her best friend so?

Awkwardly, Yuuki cleared his throat. “I c-could...try and visit more often. That is, if you are alright with that.” Faux-casually, he shrugged and joked, “it's not like I'm exactly busy after school.”

She blinked at him before realization slowly set in. “O-oh… In that case, please feel free to visit as often as you'd like, Yuuki.”

“‘Yuuki?’”

“Friends call each other by their first names.”

Her smile became even more beautiful, if that was even possible. The remnants of butterflies fluttered and danced in his belly. There was no inflection indicating that Shiho was asking a question; it was a statement that they were friends and that was that.

Rather than query when exactly they went from commiserates to friends, Yuuki chuckled weakly. “speaking of friends, I'd imagine I'll have to compete with Takamaki for your visiting hours?”

Her smile turned brittle at the edges. “Ah, not quite…”

He blinked. “Wait, seriously?”

“...I think she's disgusted.”

No, he must have heard wrong. “Suzu-!”

“I am disgusting, aren't I?” She finally cracked and tears began to dribble down her cheeks. “I doubt even coach would look twice at me now!”

“Shiho!”

“Look at me,” she implored pathetically, “and honestly tell me I'm not repulsive. You can't, can you? Even I can't a-and it's _my body_ , but even looking in a mirror makes me want to throw up!”

“ _Shiho!_ ”

She likely would be continued the verbal self-flagellation had Yuuki not reached over and wrapped her in a tight hug. The room went quiet as his shoulder became damp. Up and down, he traced patterns along her back in an attempt to sooth her.

(Wrapped so securely like this, she couldn't possibly see the tears misting up his own eyes.)

“I may not know Takamaki as well as you do,” he whispered, “but even I know that when she looks at you, she sees the same beautiful person that I do.”

Nails dug into his shirt as Shiho seemed to shrink further into herself.

“...I just miss my best friend s-so much…”

Rather than respond, he just hugged her tighter until visiting hours ended.

\---

It appeared as though the Phantom Thieves gained yet another member. From behind the newsstand, Yuuki now counted five meandering about what he suspected was their newest hideout.

‘Et tu, miss president?’

Heart sunken to the floor, Yuuki walked away before anyone took notice of how pathetic he was.

From the outside looking in, he could never understand _why he was never good enough._

\---

Bleariness brought about by lack of sleep caused sentences and letters to collide in a car accident on Yuuki's screen. He tried fruitlessly to scrunch his eyes shut and open them in an attempt to clear the fog. Somewhere behind his right eye, a dull throbbing began.

(It was the beginnings of a migraine, which he had only recently become aware of.)

‘This is the only thing I can do,’ he thought, ‘if I don't keep the negativity out, all the antis will flood the forum with negativity.’

“They need me...” he muttered while scrolling through the live chat feed.

This was his form of crime fighting, in a way. It was a crime that society refused to accept the Phantom Thieves; they refused to acknowledge the work of these _high schoolers_ who no doubt put their life on the line to steal hearts. Justice had fallen by the wayside for far too long and now that a group appeared to mete out judgement on criminals, those saved refuse to acknowledge them?

It made him sick.

There seemed to be more trolls than usual lately. He'd had to delete over twenty new topics so far and there were still plenty to go. Even after Madarame, negativity seemed to pop up like daisies as soon as he looked away.

Click. Ban this user? Are you sure?

He nodded. ‘Yes.’

(< !-- The Phantom Thieves need your support now more than ever! -- >  
< !-- Let's flood this site with support, not hate! -- >  
< !-- The Phantom Thieves need their phans! -- >)

A yawn broke free as he took a break to lean back and press his palms to his eyes. Spots flickered and danced across the back of his eyelids, but it did little to discourage him. After two blinks to clear away the remaining specs, he shrank the internet browser to only half the screen. The other half was soon filled with his latest project.

The site was receiving many requests for assistance lately and he didn't have the time to wade through multitudinous topics and threads to find all the victims. A quick online search produced the idea of building a simple database to store requests easily. ‘Even a dummy can program their own database with this tutorial!’ one website declared in a large font.

Yuuki figured he must be some new level of stupid if a dummy can figure this out and he couldn't.

Learning all the programming languages was one thing, but this…

‘SQL, VBA, HTML, queries, forms, reports, tables…’

Now more than ever, _he was tired_. Wake up, _check his phone_ , get ready, _check his phone_ , say hello to his parents, eat breakfast, _check his phone_ , walk to the train station, _checkhisphone-_

**He was tired.**

He eyes rolled back to the Phansite as another negative thread popped up. Rather than delete it immediately, he just stared and stared _and stared_.

What...was he really doing?

Being this faceless admin lurking in the shadows… what was he really contributing to the phandom? Sure, he provided a place for believers to gather and show their support, but other than that…

And that's how Yuuki Mishima found himself clicking “create account” and joining his own forum.

\---

`mare - hello?`  
`Snrklnd - wow some1 was uncreative with their sn`  
`Lost_in_TR - welcome to the chat, Mare! ★~(◠‿◕✿)`  
`Snrklnd - eugh GAG MEEEE`  
`EarthSeaSky - with pleasure`  
`FaeDance - ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ`  
`mare - hi everyone`  
`Spice&Sugar - oh, another new person! Hooray!`  
`Spice&Sugar - @mare1800 if you ever need anything, feel free to DM me! We new people need to stick together! <3`  
`mare - thank you, I will!`  
`Snrklnd - ewwwww GET A ROOM`

\---

Why Akira was out roaming Central Street at this time of night, he didn't particularly care. All that Yuuki knew was that his heart stuttered a little seeing Akira jogging his way.

Even panting and out of breath, he was still painfully attractive; Yuuki cursed the pink he could feel spread across his cheeks.

“I didn't think I'd see you out this late on a school night.”

The possible leader of the Phantom Thieves ran a hand through his bangs and chuckled. “I could say the same to you, you know. Unlike you, I have a criminal record; don't delinquents tend to creep out of the woodwork at night?”

Yuuki scrunched his eyebrows. “You're not a delinquent,” he insisted, “and you're always answering questions in class when the teachers call on you. A delinquent wouldn't care as much about school as you obviously do.”

Hand frozen in his bangs, Akira paused momentarily to stare thoughtfully into space. “Ann did say I'd never cut it in the acting world…”

(Hearing that name made him think of Shiho and how lonely she must be, waiting for her friend. Tomorrow, he vowed to go back to the hospital.)

“That's what you call acting?”

Seemingly out of nowhere, Akira pulled out a revolver and pointed it at his heart. “Ouch, that hu-”

Hands quickly smacked the gun to the ground before Yuuki grabbed Akira by the shoulders and _shook_. He didn't even notice the ring of gawkers beginning to circle. “What the heck are you thinking?! Were you - wha-?”

“It's not-”

Yuuki gave him another solid shake and fought back the bile crawling up his throat. “Why would you even have that? What were you going to use it for?”

“It's a-”

“I can't just sit back and watch this happen again! I won't!” Another rough shake. “I won't!”

Gingerly, Akira reached up and removed Yuuki's hands from his shoulder. “You won't have to.”

“But you-”

Akira gave his hands a squeeze. “It was a model. A really convincing model, but just a toy. Do you want to see?”

A model? He slowly looked down at the gun, looked back into Akira's eyes and shook his head. “No, I...I believe you…”

“Hey…”

Finally noticing the vultures waiting to feed on more potential drama, Yuuki shook his head and plastered on a fake smile. “Wow, I sure sounded like a head case! Sorry about that!”

Obviously unconvinced, Akira had yet to let go of his hands. “You don't need to apologize for anything. Are you alright?”

“Never better,” he chirped and tried valiantly not to think of broken bodies in hospital beds. “You need to be more careful though! You're lucky a cop didn't see you whip that thing out or you'd be in cuffs by now!”

Thankfully, when it became obvious the show was over, the crowd began to dissipate until they were back to just two more teenagers out at night. Yuuki had never been more thankful to be so utterly unremarkable and he heaved a sigh of relief. 

Rather than relax as well, his companion remained as intense as ever. “Are you alright?”

“What do you mean?”

Gray eyes flickered down to the toy lying a few feet away before looking back at him. “You know exactly what I mean. Are you alright?”

Sad as it was, a neglected part of Yuuki preened at the concern in those lovely eyes. Even before Kamoshida, people seldom paid him much attention; who actually noticed a zero in a sea of ones? 

He shrugged before gently freeing his hands. “Y-yeah, I-I just… I mean, yes, I am fine.”

“Really?”

‘No.’ “Yes.”

Akira continued to stare into his eyes for several, long moments before bending over to pick up his toy. After a quick once-over (no doubt for damage), Akira playfully blew on the muzzle of the gun before spinning it about his pointer finger and “holstering” it in his pocket. Yuuki could help but chuckle when Akira pretended to tip a hat in his direction, like a cowboy from the spaghetti westerns he used to watch.

Heavy mood seemingly dispelled (for now), Akira's hand went straight back to missing his hair while he smiled sheepishly. “You know… I was originally going to Big Bang Burger to try and win a free meal. How about I buy you dinner in exchange for earlier?’

It took less than a split second for Yuuki to nod and smile shyly back. “Alright, but only because you're buying.”

The smile he received in return was so radiant and full of delight that Yuuki failed to register how _flirtatious_ their conversation sounded or how date-like treating someone to dinner was.

(It was unfair how even covered in various greases and crumbs, Akira still managed to be so attractive.)

\---

`@kashic_reChord - dark spots on the moon?`  
`Snrklnd - not u agn`  
`HeyBoiii3 - what?????`  
`@kashic_reChord - oh, I understand now...`  
`Sugar&Spice - my friends were bashing the p-thieves today saying they don't exist… :c`  
`Snrklnd - cuz they DONT lol`

New DM

`@kashic_reChord - Hello, dear admin. Found you.`

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The lunar maria /ˈmɑːriə/ (singular: mare /ˈmɑːreɪ/) are large, dark, basaltic plains on Earth's Moon, formed by ancient volcanic eruptions. They were dubbed maria, Latin for "seas", by early astronomers who mistook them for actual seas."
> 
> Yuuki's screen name means a dark plain on the moon! >:D SO WHO ELSE IS ON THE CHAT?
> 
> It took me faaaar longer than expected to write this orz it feels like I let all my lovely readers down and I apologize for that.
> 
> You all continue to be the best readers ever. Seeing all the kudos and kind words seriously keeps me motivated and excited for all the ideas I have planned! I cannot thank you all enough!
> 
> (Your pathetic author rereads every comment before starting a new chapter TO GET PUMPED!)
> 
> This chapter got a little dark :'D so I'm worried as always. Hoping you enjoyed this chapter all the same and I'll see you in the next one for awkward third-wheeling with Yusuke! ;D


	6. Walls where there were doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneshiro confesses, finals happen and Yuuki asks Akira on a date (but not really).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses a lot on how Mishima's mental health is deteriorating faster (I wonder if his shadow will show up soon?).

Anyone with eyes would tell you Makoto Nijima was classically beautiful. Stunning eyes, confident demeanor, trim figure…

Back when he was still in volleyball, he was unfortunate enough to hear several of his teamates’ fantasies involving the lovely student council president. A shudder crept up his spine remembering how they'd gather in the shower and seemingly try to one-up each other with raunchy suggestions. They'd tried a few times to coerce him to join in, offering to talk about Suzui instead to perhaps pique his interest…

In hindsight, a lot of that could probably be attributed to Mr. Kamoshida's influence…

In any case, Makoto - the star of half the school's fantasies - was waiting outside their classroom.

_For Akira_.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, the veritable heartbeat beneath the floorboards. ‘I needed to talk to him first. Why are you even here?’

Another buzz and Akira smiled softly at him before looking over his shoulder towards the doorway.

_At her._

Something vile and disgusting clawed at the back of his throat. ‘Oh,’ he thought with a growing frown, ‘I see now…’

Before Akira could finish packing his suspiciously yowling books, Yuuki very deliberately walked over and cleared his throat. As soon as those expectant eyes met his own, Yuuki's heart gave a weak flutter. “H-hey, are you busy?”

(Smooth, real smooth; who wouldn't recruit the boy who hasn't mastered speaking without stuttering to a secretive group like the Phantom Thieves? They were missing out on a valuable asset here, that's for sure.)

Sometimes, even Yuuki's conviction that this boy could be the leader of the Phantom Thieves; the way he curled a lock of hair between his fingers and averted his eyes. “I am, yeah. Sorry, could I take a rain check?”

“Yeah...yeah, it's fine,” he murmured without any effort to hide his disappointment, “there's no need to apologize. You probably have more important things to do.”

There was a quick glance at the door before Akira shook his head. “You say that like you're not important”

“...”

Not important? Zeroes don't even register as a blip on most people's radar. 

Cocking an eyebrow, Akira seemed to be waiting for at least a half-hearted denial. When it became apparent no such thing was forthcoming, he shrugged and gave a tiny grin. “How about I make it up to you? Ramen tomorrow after school, my treat? You can whatever you want~!”

It was hard not to chuckle at least a little at the way Akira ended his offer in a singsong voice. Yuuki _did_ snort quietly at the resultant look of repulsion that crossed Akira's face upon realizing what he had just done. “Wait, pretend-”

“I'm free whenever, just text me!” That... probably came out a little more harried than he would have liked, but Yuuki didn't think he could stand to hear Akira tell him to _pretend he never asked him on a quasi-date_.

“Alright,” Akira paused to look towards the doorway again before stuffing his hands in his pockets, “I'll text you later then, alright?”

“Y-yeah, that's fine…” 

Akira bit his lip in what looked like consternation and Yuuki squirmed internally. It must have been obvious that he was disappointed. If only the Phantom Thieves could fix what a mess he was, ha ha...

“Not to pry, but have you been sleeping-”

“ **Akira**.”

Miss president’s voice was a sudden as a gunshot and actually made them both flinch. Several curious sets of eyes looked their way and Yuuki wished he could melt into the floor. 

Rather than prolong the awkwardness, he put on a brittle smile. “It's not polite to keep a girl waiting.”

Mercifully, Akira didn't pry any further about the whole not-sleeping issue. Rather, he just gathered his books and left after giving Yuuki a firm pat on the shoulder.

As soon as he left

On the outside, he tried to look nonchalant like he wasn't dying of embarrassment. Nothing to see here folks, just move along!

On the inside though...

‘What can she do that I can't? What can _any_ of them do that I can't?! Why wouldn't you _pick me_ -!’

“Umm… Mishima?”

Who…?

A dainty hand tapped him on the shoulder.

“S-sorry to bother you…”

With barely a jump, Yuuki turned to see Ann Takamaki with a concerned look on her face and her hand still frozen in midair. “Oh, y-you're not bothering me. What's up?”

Her hand wobbled slightly before withdrawing to twirl a pig tail. “I went to visit Shiho yesterday. She told me you've been visiting a lot. I wanted to say thank you.”

His smile wobbled at the edges. “No need to thank me. She's my friend, after all.”

Somehow, he got the feeling Takamaki wasn't really listening.

“I keep wanting to visit her,” she insisted desperately, “I really do! I'll tell my parents I'll be home late, cancel plans with my friends…”

She hiccuped lightly before dabbing at her eyes with both hands. “I do all that, but as soon as I put my shoes on it's like my stomach just plummets and I can't… _I can't_ -!”

“I-”

“And that's why I'm glad she has you now!” She was smiling, but it was so forced it was painful to look at.

Before he could say another word, she too was dashing out the door.

He ended up dropping by the underground mall before hopping a train to the hospital. Seeing Shiho’s face light up at the modest spray of pink he picked out made skipping out on ramen all worthwhile.

\---

`el337 - ¿quiénes son? ¿alguien sabe? `  
`Snrklnd - uhhhhh??? wuuuuuuuut?`  
`beepbeeplettuce - I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE IT?!?!?!`  
`@kashic_reChord - ...`  
`lethalninja267 - dUDE HOW ARE THE SO cooooooool?`  
`Imaninja4real - can the phantom thieves steal my prof’s heart? K thx bye`  
`Snrklnd - y r all these people here now???`  
`sssssnake - ¿De veras le robaron los corazones de esos criminales? `  
`@kashic_reChord - ...`  
`Snrklnd - 1 weirdo was enuf Im leaving`

\---

It wasn’t until he saw the sudden jump in popularity on the polls that Yuuki realized that something _big_ must have happened. With shaky hands, he swept the biology notes and crumpled snack wrappers from his desk and pulled his laptop forward.

Social media was positively buzzing with news 

Junya Kaneshiro, the brains behind the recent money laundering and drug dealing schemes (among other things) had come forward to make a tearful public confession. Yuuki watched as big, fat tears rolled down an equally fat face on the screen.

Strangely, he felt...detached from the whole moment.

He should be ecstatic; the phantom thieves managed to beat the cops to a criminal mastermind! If anyone still needed proof that they exist, this was it.

Instead, he just felt inconvenienced that the site would receive more traffic than ever right when he was studying for finals. The phans needed him, _but he needed to study_. 

He gave one more tired look at the heap of papers now littering the floor before beginning to type.

< !-- Congratulations on another victory, Phantom Thieves! - >

It still felt so half-hearted.

However, with only four more days until finals, it would have to do.

\---

Tonight was the night he was supposed to meet up with Spice&Sugar to watch the fireworks. She (she?) had invited him a few days ago over a DM and he really had no reason to say no.

It was cute seeing her emojis get increasingly more excited, but he really couldn’t muster the same enthusiasm. There was certainly _someone_ he’d rather watch fireworks with and it definitely was not her.

(Him? Them?)

So, it was with a great deal of relief and a slight dash of guilt that he sent her a quick apology before tuning in to watch the Medjed story develope.

\---

. .██▓ . . . . .██████. .▓█████. .▓█████  
▓██▒ . . .▒██. . . . . ▒. .▓█. . . .▀. .▓█. . . ..▀  
▒██▒ . . .░ . ▓██▄. . . . ▒███. . . . ▒███░  
██░ . . . . . ▒ . . . .██▒ ▒▓█. . ▄. .▒▓█ . .▄  
░██░ . . .▒██████▒▒░▒████▒░▒████▒  
░▓ . . . . . ▒. .▒▓▒. ▒. .░░░. ▒░. ░░░. .▒░. ░  
. .▒ .░ . . .░. .░▒. . . ░. .░. ░. ░. . .░. .░ ░  
. .▒ .░ . . .░. . .░. . . .░. . . . . . ░. . . . . . . .░  
▓██. . . . ██▓ ▒█████ . . . . █. . . . . . .██  
. .▒██. . .██▒▒██▒ . . ██▒.. ██ . . .▓██▒  
. . .▒██. .██░▒██░ . . ██▒ ▓██. . .▒██░  
. . .░ ..▐██▓░▒██ . . . .██░.▓▓█ . . ░██░  
. . .░. .██▒▓░░ ████▓▒░. .▒▒█████▓  
. . . . ██▒▒▒ ░ ▒░▒. . .▒░ . ..░▒▓▒. .▒. ▒  
. ▓██. .░▒░ . . . ░ ▒. ..▒░ . .░░▒░. .░. .░  
. ▒ .▒. . ░░░ . . . ░ . . . . ░. . . . . ▒ ░ ░. .░  
. ░ .░  
. ░ .░

`Now do you believe me?`

Logically, Yuuki suspected that the ominous message on his screen had to be the work of Medjed. After their very public threat the other day, it only stood to reason they’d launch a volley against the phans.

‘I have to let them know,’ he thought without once looking away, ‘this could be an important clue. They need me.’

After dropping his phone three times - and fat-fingering the number twice - Yuuki sighed in relief to hear Akira’s voice on the line.

It was only with Akira’s quiet assurance that his hands finally stopped shaking. He very calmly closed his laptop, laid down on his bed and watched the shadows around his room grow until the sun came up..

\---

`Snrklnd - so, did ANYON else see that last night???`  
`Snrklnd - NE1????`  
`@kashic_reChord - ...`  
`Snrklnd - ...`  
`Snrklnd - ANY 1 ELSE???`  
`archangel_Michael - see what?`  
`Spice&Sugar - ಠ_ಠ `  
`Snrklnd - when did i becom the only sane person here?`

\---

Not that he'd ever admit it, but Yuuki felt like a heroine of one of the old shoujo manga gathering dust at the corner of a library shelf. Every time he so much as _looked_ in Akira's direction, a flush crawled up his neck and across his ears. His poor, abused heart gave a flutter and the lunch his mom packed sat heavy in his stomach.

It really shouldn't be this hard to ask someone on a date. If only he could just run over, grab the boy by his shoulders and shout, “would you go out with me?” like the walking cliché he was beginning to feel like.

If only he had friends in relationships he could ask about this. Or, if only he had friends at all…

(Okay, wasn't fair at all to Akira _and Shiho oh wow how did he forget her and now he feels even worse_ -)

Sakamoto and Takamaki always seemed to be flitting around his desk right when Yuuki finally felt confident enough to say something. He'd turn around, heart in throat and phone in hand, only to see one of two (or both if class was out) blondes flocking to their leader. This led to a vicious cycle of finally scraping together some shreds of courage only to swallow disappointment again and again _and again_.

In the end, he managed to scrape up the courage to text Akira an invitation to investigate some benign rumor that probably wasn’t even true. Upon receiving confirmation from Akira that he was interested, Yuuki wanted to smack himself in the forehead; would that answer have been the same had he not chickened out?

\---

Walking into the amphitheater with Akira at his side, Yuuki couldn't help but be disappointed that he had to resort to a flimsy excuse to ask his crush out. Sure, they had gone to the café and met up after school a couple of times, but the planetarium was definitely more of a date location than anywhere they'd gone before. Just thinking about it made the acid in his stomach fizz and pop like a soft drink from the concession stand.

A part of him was still over the moon (ha, space puns at a planetarium), while another part was taking careful note of every trash can in case he vomited from nerves.

“Where do you want to sit?” 

“I wonder if we'll see the eccentric today?” 

As soon as it left his mouth, Yuuki wanted to smack himself in the forehead. Not only did he _not_ answer the question, he practically shouted back about that stupid rumor. Seeing the way Akira scrunched his nose a little only made him feel worse. “Listen-”

Really, he should've expected that it would all go downhill from there…

Of course the ‘weirdo’ from the rumors was there, of course Akira knew him and _of course he was the Kosei phantom thief_.

And that was how he found himself awkwardly peering over the _eccentric-cum-interloper_ to even barely see Akira. With how dim the lights were during the show, he was lucky sometimes to just catch a glint of light reflecting off of his glasses.

To say he was disappointed would be a massive understatement; Yuuki was _crushed_

While it wasn't exactly a ‘date,’ his foolish heart wanted to _believe_ in a kind lie. Yusuke - Akira eventually introduced him formally - simply existing, much less _sitting between them_ just served as a glaring reminder that they were there under the flimsy pretense of following a lead.

It certainly didn't help matters at all that he was still jealous of Yusuke. While a bit airheaded and in dire need a a filter, the boy honestly wasn't that awful. 

_Except the fact that he had what Yuuki so desperately wanted._

A part of him felt terribly guilty about blurting out obviously hurtful rumors _directly to his face_. However, another part - an ugly green part that was growing _ever louder by the day_ \- tittered in his ear. “It isn't your fault,” it cooed, “you didn't say it; you only repeated it. Besides, it isn't your fault the rumors were true.”

Piggybacking off guilt, bone-deep exhaustion draped itself over him like a blanket. Seated in a comfortable chair, every blink seemed to last an eternity. Galaxies seemed to be born and die with every blink.

(At one point, he thought he might have heard Yusuke say, “don't get so lost counting stars that you lose the moon,” but he also might have imagined it. He was _so weird_.)

It was during one of those half-dazed twilight moments that Yuuki became aware that _Akira was gone._

Everything came into painfully clear focus as he lurched awake in his chair.Yusuke barely even startled, only glancing over briefly before gazing off at the ceiling.

“He left to get refreshments,” Yusuke intoned, “he should be back soon enough.”

“O-oh…”

Artificial stars twinkled and burst in Yusuke's hair as he held his fingers up to his eyes. “Did you know that there is a name for the average color of the universe?”

A couple of pinpricks of light over Yusuke's left shoulder faded out as Yuuki shook his head no. ‘That certainly came out of the blue…’

“Two-hundred _thousand_ galaxies…” his arms wobbled as Yusuke chuckled dryly, “and it's determined to be ‘cosmic latte.’ I must admit, I rather preferred _not_ knowing that the sum of _billions_ of stars I'll likely never see in this lifetime is _beige_.”

While informative, Yuuki wasn't wholly certain why he was being told this. “I'm sorry, but why-?”

“Sometimes, to find answers to life's greatest mysteries, you need only ask for them,” the artist interrupted with a meaningful look, “but be cautioned; the answer may not be one you wish to know.”

(In a cliché world, the artificial sky would have lit up with a supernova as he was struck by a sudden revelation from what Yusuke had just said. However, this being a perfectly boring _normal_ world, there were no explosions accompanied by epiphanies. The two ended up spending the rest of their time in stilted silence until Akira returned.)

\---

“I didn't want to ask in front of Yusuke, but are you getting enough sleep at night?”

Both were still blinking from the daze of stepping out of the pitch black of the planetarium back into the sun when Akira decided to blindside Yuuki with this question. 

_He could actually hear the way his eyelids stuck together every time he closed and reopened them._ “I'm fine, why?”

Akira stared him down as one might a specimen through a microscope.

“You're not fooling anyone. I could go grocery shopping with the bags under your eyes.”

_In the underground mall he was certain there was a store that sold small tubes of concealer. Maybe…_ “My sleep schedule is just a little off from cramming for finals,” he lied nonchalantly, “I'll be fine.”

One moment there were walking down the sidewalk side-by-side, the next Akira had pushed him into an alley between two restaurants and there were two unfamiliar hands cupping his cheeks attached to two thumbs massaging the obvious bruises beneath his eyes. His head spun and he was certain it wasn't _just_ from lack of sleep.

Shadows played tricks with Akira's face, taking his normally gentle features and making them appear more calculating. “It's the weirdest thing; _I don't believe you_.”

There was no way to respond to such an accusation without lying further; Yuuki elected to remain silent. Apparently, that was confirmation enough as Akira sighed.

“I'm worried about you, you know…” Akira frowned as he spoke. “The Phansite, finals… none if it matters enough to merit _making yourself sick over it_.”

“But I'm _not_ si-!”

“ _Not yet_ ,” Akira interrupted swiftly, “but you will be if you continue like this. And then what? What will have been the point?”

There were a million thing he wanted to say, _a billion even_. Yuuki wanted to open his mouth to explain - explain how it felt to be on the outside looking in - but he kept quiet for fear that once it started, the word vomit would not stop.

Even someone as socially awkward as Yuuki Mishima knew that the way to a man's heart detoured around ‘crippling self-doubt and inferiority complex’ junction. 

(He was trying to win his crush over, not scare him away forever!)

“I'm worried about you,” Akira reiterated somberly, “but I can't force you to do anything you don't want to.”

(A true testament to how far gone he was; rather than bask in the knowledge that his crush was concerned, Yuuki spent the rest of the walk quietly counting the change in his pocket to see if he could afford some cheap makeup.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, more nerd stuff! True story, the universe is cosmic latte and you can even find the hex for it online to color with~
> 
> Ahaha ha so I don't know how it happened but I have the nicest readers ever and I really don't know how to articulate how grateful I am! Seriously, all the guesses about who is who in the chat, guessing about what's going to happen - EVERYTHING REALLY - you all are the best!
> 
> I hope this chapter wasn't too angst or boring ^^" and I hope to see you all in chapter 7 (and have I got ideas for this one oh yes}.


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